Doing the maids work...

Let's face it, black hose with a French maid's outfit, that's a core fantasy for most cross-dressers. I figure it's a good thing, because we've got to keep things clean. I did a major washing of all my lady things today and feel much better for it.

Most underwear, stockings and so on can easily be hand washed in cold water. Just add a little clothes washing powder or liquid to a sink of cold water. Then wash similar colours together. Be especially careful of darker colours, because they may run, meaning you could get black everywhere. It's always a good idea to wash your clothes before you wear them to get some of this extra dye out.

When you're done, rinse in cold water and wring out and hang up to dry. If you need to be discreet, you can also wring the clothes in a towel to help them along and hang them out of sight, such as in the shower.

It's a good idea to wash anything, especially underwear after each time you wear it. As a cross-dresser, I often only wear my panties and stockings for a few hours at a time, but it's a good idea to clean them anyway. Hand washing will also make your things last longer.

What I stand for...

I've been trying to reconcile my ideas of cross-dressing, my purpose for this blog, and my faith. I haven't succeeded. I guess that's really the point of this blog in some ways, that it's either cross-dressing OR faith, not cross-dressing AND faith.

But I do think every man who has enjoyed wearing heels has some realisation of the importance in faith, faith in themselves, faith in an idea, or, most importantly, faith in God.


What about you, dear reader? What does faith mean to you?

Transgendered Teens

I came across this video, which I found really insightful.



I think Katie comes across very well, and both have very legitimate reasons for transitioning. I'd love to see more positive stuff like this out there for young transvestites, because our journey is similar and different at the same time.

Lots to think and pray about.

This video may not work for some of you. If not let me know and I'll see what I can do.

Wearing Pantyhose

I just came across this little video and thought I'd share.

Have fun wearing those pantyhose!

The Heel Obsession

I'm quite obsessed with heels. If a woman walks past wearing heels I can't help but notice. In fact, if a woman walks past, I make a point of noticing what's on her feet.

So why the attraction? Simple: heels are sexy and feminine. The question is, have they become an idol?

 

Is a confession...sexy?

Experiment time.
As I write I'm wearing a dark shade of lipstick, corset, pantyhose and some very sexy Pleaser high heels (Amazon link). Oh, and I'm a bloke.

Why am I sharing this? My purpose with this blog is to man up and move away from cross-dressing, not to encourage men to dress. I think there is something appealing to cross-dressers about sharing their escapades online. In fact, I think many transvestites/cross-dressers/call us what you will, live their cross-dressing lives online. If this is the case, then what kind of message is it sending to other cross-dressers? I'd love to know what you think, leave a comment below.

Closer To The One You Love

My wife and I had a very truthful conversation about cross-dressing on Saturday night. She was put off by the fact that I'd bought her a sexy long sleeve teddy, one which I also already owned. She didn't want to wear anything associated with my cross-dressing, which I can totally understand.

This lead to a long conversation in which we shared our feelings and views and she asked me many difficult questions. It was made all the more meaningful because neither of us were judgemental of the other. It has never been this easy to talk, and I believe the secret is because of our quiet times.

This year we've been studying the Bible together and praying after work. It's done wonders for our relationship because we've become more open to each other. Our love has grown to the point were it's strong enough for us to talk about the painful things and I can share my true thoughts without the fear of being rejected by her.

We didn't make love that Saturday. She was turned off and hurt. The next day we had the most amazing love making. Our truthful conversation had brought us closer in our relationship, the love we shared and the friendship between us becoming more important than the cross-dressing, the hurt or the fear.

Happy 2014

2014 is rolling along under full steam now, promising to be a really interesting year. Why? Well I've been cross-dressing up a storm. I now own the same amount of heels as I do regular shoes. So manning up is not going well, but I've been considering if that's such a bad thing or not. To help my contemplation I've written a manifesto, part of which I want to share with you today, as I embark on a year of personal introspection.

Love the Lord your God...

Everything we do should glorify God. I want to live my life glorifying Him. Does cross-dressing form part of that? It's something I've been wondering about since I became a Christian. This is the first and most important point of my manifesto.

Love your neighbour...

We should never hurt others, showing only love. Specifically, I don't want my cross-dressing to hurt my wife, family, friends or you, my readers. This is the second most important point of my manifesto.

...As you love yourself

I have low self esteem, but want to love myself the way God loves me. I want to be happy with who I am, and this is where I think cross-dressing plays a part. I don't want to be a woman, just a man who can enjoy beauty. I don't want to dress like a slut, a girl or have a sex change or breasts or any of that, but I do think I should be able to enjoy dressing up and that it might be a vital part of who I am. My focus this year is to contemplate that.

Porn clouds the mind

I want to eradicate porn from my life, because I need to approach cross-dressing with an untainted mind. This will also make it easier for my wife and I to grow together and to talk about cross-dressing.

That's just some of what I'm thinking about, and I'd love to share the journey here. Leave a comment and let me know you're listening.

Just be there...

Our cell group, which had been five members, was knocked down to three. This was due to contracts ending and people moving, things we knew were coming and nothing to worry about. 

The cell group died when the third member decided to take a break from the group, leaving my wife and I. At that point we knew the group was doomed unless we kept it alive, just the two of us. If we met every week at the regular meeting time we would keep a pulse. A weak pulse, but the group would be there waiting for new members to join up.

I let the group die. We had one session by ourselves, which we really enjoyed, but then never met again.

To me, the moral of the story is that, sometimes, just being around is doing something big for God. "Where two or three are gathered", as the Scripture says.

Mommies Boy

Why is "Daddies Girl" a positive thing and "Mommies Boy" negative?

I, Idol

Why is it that so many of us keep slipping back into our old ways? I'm sure it's because we dwell on the idea of cross-dressing. It is our idol. Effectively, we're worshipping ourselves. You don't need to agree with me, but you do need to ask two questions:

1. Who am I glorifying when I cross-dress? Is it women, God or myself? Something else? Sex? Love?

2. What good does it do me to keep my mind on cross-dressing?

In regards to point two above, I think there is value in considering cross-dressing, but after a point it easily becomes a kind of self-destructive meditation. Fill your mind with good things, meditate on the Bible and, if your problem persists, call me in the morning.

A Good Friday

Happy Good Friday everyone.

I've been reading the Crucifixion Story in all four gospels, which was a great way to get into the right frame of mind for the season.

I especially enjoyed Luke 24 verse 13-35. Check it out and see if it doesn't reflect Christian life now: we sometimes feel alone until we look back and see He was with us all the way.

I'm Building... A Monster!

We guys love to build. Make a wooden shelf, program some little app to solve a problem or build a rocket out of stuff in the garage. We also like to mend, repair, improve, tinker and optimise. I think I do that with my cross-dressing image too. Shave this, grow that, lose weight, know how to put this on, coordinate colours... and at the end of the day there's always more to do, more to try.

I don't think there's a natural end to cross-dressing. There is no final goal or big target we're reaching for. Rather, there are perceived targets that cross-dressers aim for. Once we hit them, we move onto the next one. I think this is why some guys start off as cross-dressers and end up living as women, even going through a full sex change. I don't think things end there, and I don't think I can define all cross-dressers with this simplification of things either. But there is some value in thinking about this.

As for myself, I've gone through periods of cross-dressing on and off. During those times I try out more things and push the envelope each time. I do some of the things I usually do, but there is always growth. Always. From learning something new to acquiring more stuff, I get deeper into cross-dressing.

Imagine This

Let's say I decide to define my goals as a cross-dresser. I might say something like "to look dead sexy and feminine, just like a real woman."
Now I might not succeed at my goal, or I might get really good at dressing up and achieve my goal. That may lead to other things (who wants to stand still?). Let's say, for the sake of this illustration, that I keep to my goal. I keep improving my look but don't add new aspects to my goal. What would I think at the end of my life? Take a moment to think about this. If you achieved this goal, of looking sexy and feminine, how would you feel?

On the one hand I'd feel great. Maybe I'm the greatest cross-dresser to ever have lived. Maybe that allowed me to gain fame and fortune. More likely not, since my goal was never to be a star cross-dresser, even though I'm the best in the game. I think I'd feel pretty empty, my goal hasn't achieved anything of worth and my life was wasted.

For Every Action

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, science tells us. I think that's true of how we live our lives, day by day. If all my effort to become the greatest cross-dresser went into something else, how great would I be at that? I could help people, I could build a home (even a house) for my family or reach any number of other, less selfish dreams.

My personal dream is to become a successful writer. I don't see cross-dressing as part of that, and I've often lost writing time to surfing for porn or clothes shopping online. The only good thing that has come out of my cross-dressing, in terms of my goal, is this blog.

Theory is Good, But...

I don't have a silver bullet to get cross-dressing out of the way, but rather an arsenal of different weapons that help in various ways. One thing that helps me is having a dream and related goals. I have a bucket list and lists of goals to help me get there. I highlight important goals, because I need to prioritise. I also don't set unrealistic goals, because I like success. The next part is hard work, and this is the sharp sword that keeps cross-dressing at bay often, because "the devil makes work for idle hands" or "the dress calls to idle minds", if you want a cross-dressing equivalent.

What's your biggest dream? How do you plan to get there? Does cross-dressing have any part in that? I'd love to know. Please leave a comment, even if you just want to say hi.

Alone in a Crowd

Sometimes we feel like, as Christians, we're an endangered vermin. People have their mind made up about what a Christian is, and aren't ready to listen and learn what we are really all about. As if we had the plague or something.

Jesus says in Matthew 5 verse 10:

“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Keep your eyes on Him!

Slipping... And Getting Back Up

If you've slipped up, like me, and given in to the cross-dressing urge, don't beat yourself up. There's hope yet. This morning I was reading Jeremiah 3, which turned out to be very appropriate.

2b You have defiled the land
with your prostitution and wickedness.
3 Therefore the showers have been withheld,
and no spring rains have fallen.
Yet you have the brazen look of a prostitute;
you refuse to blush with shame.
4 Have you not just called to me:
‘My Father, my friend from my youth,
5 will you always be angry?
Will your wrath continue forever?’
This is how you talk,
but you do all the evil you can.”

Of course, we're not necessarily talking about prostitution, I'm talking about cross-dressing generally, but we could argue something like...

Cross-Dressing Bloggers

Look at most cross-dressing blogs and you'll find pictures of the author. Get a blog, post pics of yourself as Tess or Tammy or whatever. That's how it goes. Now that seems pretty harmless right? But why do we as cross-dressers go to other cross-dresser's sites? For advice, yes, but also, we get a rise out of seeing other men in feminine clothing. Kind of how we might feel if we went to a prostitute, or watched a porn star...

I confess that I took pictures of myself in heels last night and wanted to post them here. Thank God that He cleared my head and I didn't post those photos. I really want my blog to encourage guys to man up, to keep to God's Word and the right path.

God's Plan

God, being all knowing and loving, has a plan:

12b “‘Return, faithless Israel,’ declares the Lord,
‘I will frown on you no longer,
for I am faithful,’ declares the Lord,
‘I will not be angry forever.
13 Only acknowledge your guilt—
  you have rebelled against the Lord your God, ...

Acknowledge your guilt! Tell God that you've gone off the path and ask him for his help. Recovery is just around the bend.

Keep your head up and keep fighting the good fight!

It isn't all that easy...

I recently started cross dressing again, despite all my ideas on how to beat the urge. I guess I should feel guilty, and I do, a little. But mostly I just want to keep at it. So, how to I refocus on the right goal?


Dissecting the cause

Why did I start at it again? I think it was because I started visiting some of my favourite high heel web stores again. I didn't think this was such a bad thing, but it planted the seeds of thought which resulted in my buying shoes... very sexy high heel shoes... three pairs of very sexy high heel shoes.


Moving on

Stop! Drop! Roll! I can't easily change what I want, but I need to refocus my mind on God and my wife. I've been thinking lately about how everything is spiritual, and in some way affects our relationship with God and people. I know that my wife hates cross dressing because we talk about it from time to time. If she hates it, then it's a barrier to our love and something that needs to get tossed out. I'm also sure God hates cross dressing, because the Bible says so (which is a topic for a whole blog post in itself, but see the book of Deuteronomy chapter 22 and verse 5 from the Bible, quoted below.)

“A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God."

So, if God and my wife hate cross dressing, then if I choose to cross dress I'm being selfish, plain and simple.


Have some love...

I don't think God hates guys who want to cross dress. I think it's the act itself. My wife might hate that I want to cross dress, but she doesn't hate me. Look at your situation. Is it the same? Or have we as cross dressers aligned ourselves so tightly with that image and title of "cross dresser" or "transvestite" or whatever that we think they hate us, when really it's the act they hate?

I'm not trying to preach to you. Surely I can't say I'm better than you. I've got shaved legs and just the other night I was wearing all sorts of girly things. My purpose is not to make you feel guilty but to challenge you and, even more so, myself, to be a better man.

Let's do this thing!

One Leg In

I shaved one leg yesterday. I wanted to shave both but ran out of time. It's the biggest cross-dressing thing I've done since starting this blog. I feel ashamed.

I thought it might be an interesting experiment to see how long it takes for my shaven leg to look normal again.

That's not why I shave my leg though. It's getting colder and I usually shave my legs when it's cold. I have since my university days. It's easy to hide girly legs when it's cold.

But back to my experiment. Could I turn a hiccup up into a learning opportunity?

Unfortunately I shaved the other leg later too.

Hard Work

Yesterday I really wanted to dress up. It had been a busy day with loads of thinking time and when I finally got home I was pretty well focused on the idea. Luckily I had a massive amount of chores to do. Dishes, rubbish, other writing commitments and church meetings. This kept me out of the closet.

Today I feel relieved. I've pushed through some temptations and made it on to the other side. You have to take these things as they come, you can't just change over night.

The lesson here is that hard work helps. "The devil makes work for idle hands" is a truism we should never forget. Besides, a man should be the provider.

Is It Worth The Danger?

Cross dressing is dangerous. Mortally dangerous even! You might lose friends or family, lose your job, be beaten, ridiculed or murdered. We should make no assumptions about how people might accept us since many won't.

Is it worth the risk? I'd love to hear what you think.

It Gets Better

When I was a young cross dresser and realizing that what I wanted to do wouldn't go down well with other people, I felt that I was trapped. I wanted to dress up. People were judgmental. There was nowhere to turn. I didn't know if things would get better or worse.

Now, some years on, I can see that things do get better. I'm married to a wonderful lady who never accepted my dressing and I've worked hard to be a better me without cross dressing as a crutch.

That doesn't mean I don't want to dress up. Heck, I even shave my legs from time to time and have two dresses hanging in my cupboard. But I don't wear those dresses. For me there's a comfort to having them around and a growing joy that I don't need to wear them. Also, I feel happy knowing that my taste for clothes has become less slutty and more "normal".

So things do get better. I know many trannies would say that accepting themselves as cross dressers has made them happy, but I'm not convinced. I don't think the world is an easy place for a normal person to navigate, much less someone dressed as the opposite sex. By giving up the frock and heels you become a better man. I think, especially if you can sympathize with other trannies without judging them. Cross dressing is tough! I still don't know why dressing as a girl appeals to me, but it does. Luckily I can choose what I want to do with it.