Slipping... And Getting Back Up

If you've slipped up, like me, and given in to the cross-dressing urge, don't beat yourself up. There's hope yet. This morning I was reading Jeremiah 3, which turned out to be very appropriate.

2b You have defiled the land
with your prostitution and wickedness.
3 Therefore the showers have been withheld,
and no spring rains have fallen.
Yet you have the brazen look of a prostitute;
you refuse to blush with shame.
4 Have you not just called to me:
‘My Father, my friend from my youth,
5 will you always be angry?
Will your wrath continue forever?’
This is how you talk,
but you do all the evil you can.”

Of course, we're not necessarily talking about prostitution, I'm talking about cross-dressing generally, but we could argue something like...

Cross-Dressing Bloggers

Look at most cross-dressing blogs and you'll find pictures of the author. Get a blog, post pics of yourself as Tess or Tammy or whatever. That's how it goes. Now that seems pretty harmless right? But why do we as cross-dressers go to other cross-dresser's sites? For advice, yes, but also, we get a rise out of seeing other men in feminine clothing. Kind of how we might feel if we went to a prostitute, or watched a porn star...

I confess that I took pictures of myself in heels last night and wanted to post them here. Thank God that He cleared my head and I didn't post those photos. I really want my blog to encourage guys to man up, to keep to God's Word and the right path.

God's Plan

God, being all knowing and loving, has a plan:

12b “‘Return, faithless Israel,’ declares the Lord,
‘I will frown on you no longer,
for I am faithful,’ declares the Lord,
‘I will not be angry forever.
13 Only acknowledge your guilt—
  you have rebelled against the Lord your God, ...

Acknowledge your guilt! Tell God that you've gone off the path and ask him for his help. Recovery is just around the bend.

Keep your head up and keep fighting the good fight!

It isn't all that easy...

I recently started cross dressing again, despite all my ideas on how to beat the urge. I guess I should feel guilty, and I do, a little. But mostly I just want to keep at it. So, how to I refocus on the right goal?


Dissecting the cause

Why did I start at it again? I think it was because I started visiting some of my favourite high heel web stores again. I didn't think this was such a bad thing, but it planted the seeds of thought which resulted in my buying shoes... very sexy high heel shoes... three pairs of very sexy high heel shoes.


Moving on

Stop! Drop! Roll! I can't easily change what I want, but I need to refocus my mind on God and my wife. I've been thinking lately about how everything is spiritual, and in some way affects our relationship with God and people. I know that my wife hates cross dressing because we talk about it from time to time. If she hates it, then it's a barrier to our love and something that needs to get tossed out. I'm also sure God hates cross dressing, because the Bible says so (which is a topic for a whole blog post in itself, but see the book of Deuteronomy chapter 22 and verse 5 from the Bible, quoted below.)

“A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God."

So, if God and my wife hate cross dressing, then if I choose to cross dress I'm being selfish, plain and simple.


Have some love...

I don't think God hates guys who want to cross dress. I think it's the act itself. My wife might hate that I want to cross dress, but she doesn't hate me. Look at your situation. Is it the same? Or have we as cross dressers aligned ourselves so tightly with that image and title of "cross dresser" or "transvestite" or whatever that we think they hate us, when really it's the act they hate?

I'm not trying to preach to you. Surely I can't say I'm better than you. I've got shaved legs and just the other night I was wearing all sorts of girly things. My purpose is not to make you feel guilty but to challenge you and, even more so, myself, to be a better man.

Let's do this thing!

Hard Work

Yesterday I really wanted to dress up. It had been a busy day with loads of thinking time and when I finally got home I was pretty well focused on the idea. Luckily I had a massive amount of chores to do. Dishes, rubbish, other writing commitments and church meetings. This kept me out of the closet.

Today I feel relieved. I've pushed through some temptations and made it on to the other side. You have to take these things as they come, you can't just change over night.

The lesson here is that hard work helps. "The devil makes work for idle hands" is a truism we should never forget. Besides, a man should be the provider.

Is It Worth The Danger?

Cross dressing is dangerous. Mortally dangerous even! You might lose friends or family, lose your job, be beaten, ridiculed or murdered. We should make no assumptions about how people might accept us since many won't.

Is it worth the risk? I'd love to hear what you think.

I read you!

I was in Tokyo yesterday and got to do some sight seeing. What I didn't expect to see was not one but two men en femme. One was Asian and the other American or British or some such. The funny thing was that the European one saw that I read her/him and probably panicked a little. I wonder what she/he thought I was thinking?

I must say I was surprised. I've been cross dressing for ages now but never seen an actual cross dresser besides myself in actual life. Questions exploded into my head:
How do you go to the toilet? Surely you're invading real woman's privacy?
Do you think no one can tell? Does the silence of those around you equal acceptance?

I really want to reiterate that I'm not here to judge. What works for someone is up to them, I'm looking for what works for me. The experience reminded me why I don't want to be an "out" cross dresser and why I want to outgrow my dressing urges. I want my wife to be proud that I'm on her arm and not a black mark she has to hide.

Read/reading: when you recognize someone isn't of the gender they're intending to portray.
Out: if your family and friends know you're a cross dresser.