A Good Friday

Happy Good Friday everyone.

I've been reading the Crucifixion Story in all four gospels, which was a great way to get into the right frame of mind for the season.

I especially enjoyed Luke 24 verse 13-35. Check it out and see if it doesn't reflect Christian life now: we sometimes feel alone until we look back and see He was with us all the way.

I'm Building... A Monster!

We guys love to build. Make a wooden shelf, program some little app to solve a problem or build a rocket out of stuff in the garage. We also like to mend, repair, improve, tinker and optimise. I think I do that with my cross-dressing image too. Shave this, grow that, lose weight, know how to put this on, coordinate colours... and at the end of the day there's always more to do, more to try.

I don't think there's a natural end to cross-dressing. There is no final goal or big target we're reaching for. Rather, there are perceived targets that cross-dressers aim for. Once we hit them, we move onto the next one. I think this is why some guys start off as cross-dressers and end up living as women, even going through a full sex change. I don't think things end there, and I don't think I can define all cross-dressers with this simplification of things either. But there is some value in thinking about this.

As for myself, I've gone through periods of cross-dressing on and off. During those times I try out more things and push the envelope each time. I do some of the things I usually do, but there is always growth. Always. From learning something new to acquiring more stuff, I get deeper into cross-dressing.

Imagine This

Let's say I decide to define my goals as a cross-dresser. I might say something like "to look dead sexy and feminine, just like a real woman."
Now I might not succeed at my goal, or I might get really good at dressing up and achieve my goal. That may lead to other things (who wants to stand still?). Let's say, for the sake of this illustration, that I keep to my goal. I keep improving my look but don't add new aspects to my goal. What would I think at the end of my life? Take a moment to think about this. If you achieved this goal, of looking sexy and feminine, how would you feel?

On the one hand I'd feel great. Maybe I'm the greatest cross-dresser to ever have lived. Maybe that allowed me to gain fame and fortune. More likely not, since my goal was never to be a star cross-dresser, even though I'm the best in the game. I think I'd feel pretty empty, my goal hasn't achieved anything of worth and my life was wasted.

For Every Action

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, science tells us. I think that's true of how we live our lives, day by day. If all my effort to become the greatest cross-dresser went into something else, how great would I be at that? I could help people, I could build a home (even a house) for my family or reach any number of other, less selfish dreams.

My personal dream is to become a successful writer. I don't see cross-dressing as part of that, and I've often lost writing time to surfing for porn or clothes shopping online. The only good thing that has come out of my cross-dressing, in terms of my goal, is this blog.

Theory is Good, But...

I don't have a silver bullet to get cross-dressing out of the way, but rather an arsenal of different weapons that help in various ways. One thing that helps me is having a dream and related goals. I have a bucket list and lists of goals to help me get there. I highlight important goals, because I need to prioritise. I also don't set unrealistic goals, because I like success. The next part is hard work, and this is the sharp sword that keeps cross-dressing at bay often, because "the devil makes work for idle hands" or "the dress calls to idle minds", if you want a cross-dressing equivalent.

What's your biggest dream? How do you plan to get there? Does cross-dressing have any part in that? I'd love to know. Please leave a comment, even if you just want to say hi.

Alone in a Crowd

Sometimes we feel like, as Christians, we're an endangered vermin. People have their mind made up about what a Christian is, and aren't ready to listen and learn what we are really all about. As if we had the plague or something.

Jesus says in Matthew 5 verse 10:

“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Keep your eyes on Him!

Slipping... And Getting Back Up

If you've slipped up, like me, and given in to the cross-dressing urge, don't beat yourself up. There's hope yet. This morning I was reading Jeremiah 3, which turned out to be very appropriate.

2b You have defiled the land
with your prostitution and wickedness.
3 Therefore the showers have been withheld,
and no spring rains have fallen.
Yet you have the brazen look of a prostitute;
you refuse to blush with shame.
4 Have you not just called to me:
‘My Father, my friend from my youth,
5 will you always be angry?
Will your wrath continue forever?’
This is how you talk,
but you do all the evil you can.”

Of course, we're not necessarily talking about prostitution, I'm talking about cross-dressing generally, but we could argue something like...

Cross-Dressing Bloggers

Look at most cross-dressing blogs and you'll find pictures of the author. Get a blog, post pics of yourself as Tess or Tammy or whatever. That's how it goes. Now that seems pretty harmless right? But why do we as cross-dressers go to other cross-dresser's sites? For advice, yes, but also, we get a rise out of seeing other men in feminine clothing. Kind of how we might feel if we went to a prostitute, or watched a porn star...

I confess that I took pictures of myself in heels last night and wanted to post them here. Thank God that He cleared my head and I didn't post those photos. I really want my blog to encourage guys to man up, to keep to God's Word and the right path.

God's Plan

God, being all knowing and loving, has a plan:

12b “‘Return, faithless Israel,’ declares the Lord,
‘I will frown on you no longer,
for I am faithful,’ declares the Lord,
‘I will not be angry forever.
13 Only acknowledge your guilt—
  you have rebelled against the Lord your God, ...

Acknowledge your guilt! Tell God that you've gone off the path and ask him for his help. Recovery is just around the bend.

Keep your head up and keep fighting the good fight!

It isn't all that easy...

I recently started cross dressing again, despite all my ideas on how to beat the urge. I guess I should feel guilty, and I do, a little. But mostly I just want to keep at it. So, how to I refocus on the right goal?


Dissecting the cause

Why did I start at it again? I think it was because I started visiting some of my favourite high heel web stores again. I didn't think this was such a bad thing, but it planted the seeds of thought which resulted in my buying shoes... very sexy high heel shoes... three pairs of very sexy high heel shoes.


Moving on

Stop! Drop! Roll! I can't easily change what I want, but I need to refocus my mind on God and my wife. I've been thinking lately about how everything is spiritual, and in some way affects our relationship with God and people. I know that my wife hates cross dressing because we talk about it from time to time. If she hates it, then it's a barrier to our love and something that needs to get tossed out. I'm also sure God hates cross dressing, because the Bible says so (which is a topic for a whole blog post in itself, but see the book of Deuteronomy chapter 22 and verse 5 from the Bible, quoted below.)

“A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God."

So, if God and my wife hate cross dressing, then if I choose to cross dress I'm being selfish, plain and simple.


Have some love...

I don't think God hates guys who want to cross dress. I think it's the act itself. My wife might hate that I want to cross dress, but she doesn't hate me. Look at your situation. Is it the same? Or have we as cross dressers aligned ourselves so tightly with that image and title of "cross dresser" or "transvestite" or whatever that we think they hate us, when really it's the act they hate?

I'm not trying to preach to you. Surely I can't say I'm better than you. I've got shaved legs and just the other night I was wearing all sorts of girly things. My purpose is not to make you feel guilty but to challenge you and, even more so, myself, to be a better man.

Let's do this thing!