I can't praise Helen Boyd's book, My Husband Betty: Love, Sex, and Life with a Crossdresser, nearly enough. The book gave me the chance to see a whole new perspective on crossdressing and to understand how my wife feels about my unge to dress up. For my wife, who is reading the book too, it provided the words she needed to express her feelings, her pain and her concerns.
Helen also wrote a follow-up book, which I haven't read yet: She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband. I was looking for more on Helen Boyd and found these YouTube videos that mention both books.
Have a look and then check out the books, especially My Husband Betty, it could save you a load of trouble.
Silvia
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